Scheduling Sex:  A Way to Improve Intimacy for A Better Sexual Life

To be honest, when you hear about scheduling sex, what is the first thing that comes to mind? dull. arduous. Very unattractive.

However, a lot of sexologists swear by this method for developing intimacy in a partnership. Does organizing a date night, trip, or party take away from the enjoyment of engaging in these activities? Not, I wager. So why do we groan so much when we have to schedule sex?

Read more: Why Would You Want to Look into Sex Therapy?

Can’t sex be Individual and Unpredictable?

One common misconception is that having sex should be impulsive and passionate. But for a lot of people in committed relationships, that’s just not how things work out.

We fear experiencing a decline in our libido or slipping into a pattern where having sex becomes less important. Even worse, we have been trained to think that having good sex isn’t. However, we lack true role models who demonstrate what fulfilling sexuality looks like. After years of absorbing irrational expectations from romance novels, romantic comedies, and mainstream porn, how are we to blame?

The way we talk about sex is deceiving, according to sex educator Emily Nagoski, as wonderful sex is frequently defined as regular orgasms and spontaneous desires for sex. This story undermines people’s experiences of sexuality and makes them feel as though there is something wrong with their bodies, relationships, or sexuality itself.

In order to define wonderful sex, Canadian psychologist Peggy Kleinplatz spoke with a number of individuals who described their sexual experiences as exceptional. And what do you know? There was no correlation between any of these criteria and irrational desire. For the record, just 10 to 20% of women report feeling spontaneously drawn to someone, whereas 70% of males do.

Myths around sex are therefore not truly consistent with the realities of committed partnerships. This also supports research by the Sleep Judge, which discovered that all respondents who were happy with their sexual lives set aside a certain amount of time for intimacy.

Why do people plan Sessions?

What about sexual dates then? Yes, we do mean to routinely plan sex (or any other kind of intimate engagement) on your calendar.

Work, family, incompatible libidos, and even conflicting schedules can make it difficult for many couples to find time for intimacy. Others may suffer from a variety of ailments, such as vaginismus, which necessitates preparation to minimize pain during sexual activity, low hormone levels, and sexual dysfunction.

Making time for sex allows you to improve relationships, closeness, and fulfillment while incorporating intimacy into your daily routine.

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How to Schedule Sex?

Change what is Usual

Sexuality is bound to change with time. It doesn’t mean you’re broken if you don’t have sex on a regular basis; instead, it just means you need to figure out what works for you. According to sexology, “maintenance sex” is essential to preserving a positive and healthy sexual connection. It recognizes that every relationship has a phase after the first period of infatuation and discovery.

Although it is very usual for there to be less sex, this does not indicate that nothing can be done. Instead of resisting change, one must learn how to work with it. Planning a sexual encounter may be as excitingly suspenseful as it is tedious! Planning a date can actually be rather romantic…

Choose a Time and Date Suitable for Both of You! 

Your date might take place on a certain day, once a week, once a month, or not at all. You are in charge of these specifics as long as you choose a time of day when you are most alert and focused! For instance, do you prefer late-night sex or early mornings?

Your appointment is just as crucial as the rest of your schedule.

Put the time and date of your special date down on paper in your agenda. Give it the attention it merits—perhaps a special hue?

Area set up Physically for it 

This is especially crucial for people who come from busy families! Establishing a place for the event is just as vital as choosing a time and date. Where is your planned date going to be? Close the door (literally) on your other responsibilities, turn down the lights, turn on some music, and put on your party attire.

Adapt to the kind of Intimacy involved by being flexible

You might be surprised to learn that timing sex isn’t about sex alone. It’s all about making room for closeness. Recognizing that desire occurs after preparation and agreeing on this point already relieves pressure on a certain type of sex that “needs” to happen! It is time to think about it. It’s common for bodies to warm up in different ways. In fact, some sexologists advise against discussing orgasm and sexual relations. Initially, at least.

However, it’s important to discuss the date’s scope in advance so that everyone is aware of it. There are a lot of different ways to bond with your partner: kissing, conscious contact, oral sex, masturbating, discussing imaginary worlds, and even watching morally questionable porn!

Observe the schedule.

It takes some getting used to this strange mixture! Therefore, it will be easier for you to determine your rhythm and what works for you the earlier you start including sex dates into your weekly schedule. ♥

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