How Emotions Control Sex and Your Ability to Enjoy It

How Emotions Control Sex and Your Ability to Enjoy It

Sex is governed by emotions. They decide whether we want sex at all, what we want in bed, and how much we enjoy it. In my capacity as a sex therapist, I constantly remind my clients of this. thus, it is quickly forgotten.

We’ve been taught that sexuality is exclusively a biological phenomenon. that we should somehow keep our sexual selves apart from the rest of who we are.

But the reality is that your sexuality and the rest of you are intricately entwined. And for this reason, sexual issues can be really serious. and caused pain.

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Your sexuality defines you.

It can be challenging to deal with sexual challenges, such as having trouble orgasming or feeling as though your sex desire has disappeared. Not only can this lead to conflict in relationships, but sexuality is such an essential aspect of who we are.

It may be difficult to identify this. After all, you’re probably not thinking about your sexual life most of the time if it doesn’t feel bothersome or you’re enjoying the sex you’re having.

But as soon as sex gets challenging, it starts to demand more mental effort and has an impact on your regular feelings. This impact also works in reverse order: the more guilt, despair, or annoyance you feel over a sexual challenge, like not being able to have an orgasm or having low sex drive, the harder become to resolve.

Additionally, the more difficult they are to overcome, the more they exacerbate your regular feelings and lower your self-esteem in general.

Ways that emotions Control Sex

A sexual encounter involves every aspect of you, including all of your feelings; it is not an isolated event. This explains in part why having sex with the same person can occasionally be mind-blowing and at other times boring as hell.

Your level of satisfaction is not solely dependent on the types of sex you engage in or the positions you try. Your feelings, connections with your partner, and ideas all play a part in the whole experience. And whether or not you have sexual troubles, this is still true.

These three emotions are frequently experienced by us and have an impact on our desire and sexual encounters.


Rarely is irritability aphrodisiac.

Actually, the majority of us find that being irritable suppresses our libido because it encourages boundary-setting rather than connection. But sometimes, even when you’re annoyed, you still want to have sex with your spouse.

Although it doesn’t always alter the sexual experience, you’ll likely find that it does. It can be more difficult to accomplish things like emotional connection and even orgasms when you’re irritated during sex. Additionally, it may feel harder to connect with your partner or to desire to please them.


The feeling an excellent illustration of how emotions influence sex is worry. It is more difficult to be present in the moment when you are anxious. It’s also more difficult to enjoy or get in the mood for sex when your mind is racing and preoccupied with possible threats.

Your largest sexual organ is your brain. This implies that it must be concentrated on the things that motivate you. You’ll probably find it difficult to enjoy it too if your attention is diverted by concerns about the kids, how to find a new job, or whether your partner is actually having fun.

You can lessen your concern and anxiety during sex (and generally in life) by learning how to stop thinking about yourself during the moment and focus instead on the present.

It’s crucial to remember, though, that having excellent libido or sex doesn’t automatically mean that fear and anxiety will prevent it. The degree to which these emotions influence your libidinal urge also relies on your attachment style. Generally speaking, libido may be driven by anxiety in people with a more anxious-ambivalent attachment type; you can learn more about this in my blog entry on the topic, Can Emotions Affect Sex Drive?


Joy and happiness stem from a shared sense of connection, intimacy, and delight. This contributes to the explanation of why happiness increases desire and improves sex.

Being content increases your likelihood of being in the present moment, which increases desire and sexual arousal. Consequently, there may be an increase of orgasms overall. Additionally, happiness increases your desire to offer and receive pleasure, making you a more giving partner in bed. and an improved one.

What this all meas if you have Sexual Difficulties

Due to the connection between your emotions and your sexual identity, making things more exciting isn’t always the answer to treating sexual problems. That may be, but it may also be about engaging in deeper self-work.

Taking care of your feelings by:

It’s usually a good idea to start with gaining an understanding of your feelings, the role they play in your sexuality, and the reciprocal consequences of your emotions and sexuality.

You can get closer to the sex life you desire by adopting a holistic perspective on your sexuality and realizing that sex both controls and is controlled by emotions.

Check out my online program, Re: Desire, if you would want additional assistance in reducing sexual strain and stress and enhancing desire and closeness. It’s the ideal way to develop long-term desire and connection because of the potent combination of 1:1 assistance, fluff-free video courses, and doable exercises.

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